Quick Hits, Vol. 147 (Electric Wizard, DJ Khaled, Vince Staples, Lost Balloons)

Electric Wizard - Dopethrone.  These dudes were named to the Sound on Sound Fest lineup (RIP) and I'd never heard of them, but people were apparently excited because they are some sort of cult favorite doom metal band that everyone was pumped to see because they haven't toured in ten years.  Or something like that.  Anyway, I figured I'd check it out.  Holy shit.  You think Mastodon is some sludgy stoner metal stuff?  This stuff is to sludge what a mountain of molten lava is to a tiny Styrofoam cup of watery cream gravy from Dairy Queen.  This stuff is to stoner what a Snoop Dogg concert is to a guy trying to smoke an orange peel in a Miller Lite can.  The pure, visceral FUZZ of this music is enough to put my fists into the hospital.  I give you the eight minute thunder clap of "Funeralopolis."

Its like I just watched the pilot for Game of Thrones, where they thought mud men might come after the free folk instead of the ice zombie white walkers.  Ah, it was apparently from a movie called Valhalla Rising, per the credits.  I have no clue what the lyrics are to these songs, all I know is that the Viking spirits deep inside of my loins are ready to rise up and smite all who stand in my way of pillage and plunder.  I cannot keep this album around.  If I do, it'll be a 47 state bare-handed murder and Pringles-eating spree.  I must control myself.

DJ Khaled - Grateful.  God, I really hate DJ Khaled.  Can you please forgive me?  Every time he boastfully intones "another one," or "DeeeJaaay Khaled!" or "We da BEST music!" (which happens in literally every one of these crappy songs), it makes me want to die all over again.  So, God, please forgive me for not being grateful for this garbage.  Amen.  I'd love to make you listen to the first Auto-Tuned nightmare of a song, but I'll save you that hell and give you the hit with Beyonce and Jay-Z, "Shining."

Oh, actually, I was wrong.  That one only has 59.2 million streams on Spotify.  The one with Beiber, "I'm the One," which somehow has 598 million freaking streams, appears to be the hit.  Oh yeah, I remember that one from the radio.  <shudders>  You also get a terrible Drake tune, some Rihanna, Big Sean, Nas, Calvin Harris, Rick Ross, Travis Scott, Chance, Future, Alicia Keys, Migos, and like everyone who is popular right now.  This album is death.  First, because of Khaled's tired shoutouts.  Second, because of a bunch of weak guests making it sound fragmented and weak.  Third, because it is 23 FREAKING SONGS LONG.  And I bet every track has a billion streams by the end of the year, and this is the biggest album in the history of man, and everything good is dead and buried.  I'm out.

Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory.  Kind of a schizo album.  In some parts, the beats are good and the rhymes are tight.  In other parts, the beats are lame and the lyrics follow suit.  Like one of the top tracks is "Yeah Right," which has this kind of annoying half-EDM/half-trap beat thing, with pretty weak raps by Staples that includes an sung interlude by some unnamed lady, but then Kendrick Lamar comes in and lays down a good verse.  That track is followed up by "Homage," which is just too much - like it tries to be chill but also hyped at the same time, and it just makes me want to get off the ride.  The opening track, "Crabs in a Bucket" is likewise weird stuff, reminds me of The Streets from 20 years ago.  But then "BagBak" comes along with an aggressive, skittering beat and some intelligent lyrics about what it will take to get Vince involved in politics and voting.  And he tells the 1% to suck a dick.  So maybe intelligent isn't the right word for this one.  Whatever, it sounds cool and I'm down with telling the government to bite a pole.  Here is the top track, the second one on the album, called "Big Fish," with 23.5 million streams.

Good beat, good lyricism (I like the bit about how he shoulda been dead broke, shoulda been chalked out), and the video is simply cool.  Now I want to know if he ever got rescued.  And if he didn't was he able to punch those weird goldfish with mega fins into submission?  I'll hold on to a track or two, but this whole album isn't my thing.

Lost Balloons - Hey Summer.  No clue how this album came into my new music Q, but I've really enjoyed it for the past few months.  I keep avoiding writing it up so that I can keep listening to it after other stuff, and it is pretty basic indie pop rock, but something about the forlorn sunniness of the tone makes me want it more.  I think it is the sunny guitar strumming that makes for the pleasant, happy feeling, but something about the sound makes me hear an undercurrent of sadness or longing.  Give the top song a shot, here is "Numb."

No one else is listening to this, with that top track having only 22.8k streams, and several tracks being under five digits, but I really like it.  Kind of like a lost Shins album.  I'm fully on board to continue to listen.