Tyla [no longer playing!]

Just got an e-mail saying she is no longer playing the Fest.  Sorry.

One Liner:  South African pop queen on the rise (sorry if my jokes are gross)

Wikipedia Genre:  amapiano, R&B, pop

Home: Johannesburg

Poster Position: 7
Weekend Two Only.
Friday at 5:30.

IHG Stage.

Thoughts:  Her major hit makes me think of Drake.  I don't know if Drake actually has a song that sounds like this, but it makes me think of a sound that he would try to bastardize for himself and then say some generally depressing things over the top of while trying to sound vulnerable but more coming off as creepy.  This is "Water," which crushes her other songs with 643.6 million streams.

When she says "make me water," it feels like she is talking about peeing her pants to me. I'm sure that is not the case, but she already said to make her sweat, so its either pee or cry or drool or get her unmentionables overly excited.  Ew.  That is probably what the song is about.  Also, one of the top comments to that video says: "What a lovely young lady with a brilliant career ahead of her. Hopefully she stays away from drugs etc."  WTF man.  Why do you have to even act like that is a problem?  You still worried about Winehouse and Joplin or something?  Dork.  There are so many successful, lovely young ladies with amazing careers and no evidence of drug problems.  Another lesson - never read the comments.  Also, in the nerdiest google I think I've ever done, the Internet agrees with my theory about the meaning here.

In addition to making a song about squirting become popular, she also managed to snag the first ever Grammy award for Best African Music Performance in 2024.

This is not Tyla, the English musician, or Tyla Yaweh, who was here a few years ago for ACL, or obviously the Bratz doll.  Instead, this is Tyla Laura Seethal, a South African 22 year old who has been dubbed the Queen of Popiano, which is apparently a fusion of pop and amapiano.  Amapaino is a Zulu world loosely translated as "the pianos" and is a hybrid of deep house, jazz, and lounge music heavy with synths and wide, percussive basslines.  She got started in high school, making songs and posting them to her Instagram account.  She got a manager and worked on filming more clips through the pandemic.  After some tears, her parents let her take a year off from University and she was signed to a label.  Seems like that was a good idea in the end.  Her first releases did fine without a ton of traction, but "Water" spawned a viral TikTok challenge that made her a top ten hit in the U.S., U.K., and several other counties that dig squirting.  Jimmy Fallon, known squirtation lover, even had her on to perform the track.

Just the one album, 2024's TYLA, which features both "Water" and a "Water" remix with Travis Scott.  He does not lean into the squirtoramathon possibilities of the song by dropping any raps about how Astroworld doesn't need Astroglide when Tyla's on the slide.  Bummer.  He just drops generic autotuned crap.  Oh no, wait, he says her "ass gotta pour out a gallon."  Oh no!  Is this about diarrhea?  That is definitely worse.  Does she want someone to serve her really spicy food that makes her immediately crap herself?  "make me sweat, make me hotter, make me lose my breath, make me water, WITH YOUR EXTRA HOT WEEK-OLD GUMBOOOOO!"

The other top song from the album is "Jump," which features Gunna and Skillibeng.  76.6 million streams.

That opening piano made me think of "When I Think Of You," but then her flow sounds just like Rihanna to me.  And then she has that shrill quality that Ariana Grande has in a lot of her songs, just getting more and more grating as she works through the chorus.

Here is what I think about this music - I don't want to listen to it at all - but I bet a live show of this music would be freaking amazing.  Like, I'm never going to just sit at my desk all day listening to her shrilly warble about how hot her body is and that she really needs to spray a gallon of poop water, but I can guarantee that a massive crowd of people there to party would make this a supremely fun live show.