Short Primer: Dolly Parton

Woohoo!  Boobs!
I don't know about you, but that is pretty much my first memory of anything associated with Dolly Parton.  I knew she had huge knockers and sang the theme song from 9 to 5.  Later on, in college, I recall two sorority girls who would frequently (and for no apparent reason) sing "Two Doors Down" over and over while binge drinking at a party.

Kind of a depressing ass song to sing when you're at a party, but I guess after all the tears and depression she ends up rolling down the hall to find a guy for some rebound action.  Nevermind, Happy Times!

You might ask, why am I writing about country icon Dolly Parton?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  The wife scored a ticket to go see Dolly this coming week with a friend who is a huge fan.  So I figured that I would help the wife out with a short primer of what to expect, other than boobs.  I'd call them 70 year old boobs, but I'm not sure of the age of the implants.  The great thing is that she has no qualms about any of that.  Wikipedia has a quote from her: "When asked about future plastic surgeries, she famously said: "If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging, I'll get it nipped, tucked or sucked.""

In reading up on her, she's kind of amazing.  Huge piles of awards.  Written over 3,000 songs.  I even forgot she was in Steel Magnolias.  Also, she is apparently a hell of a person even now, as she is giving a ton of money to the folks in Tennessee who were recently burned out of house and home.

Anyway, the key issue here for the wife is the music.  What is she going to hear?  You'd expect the classic songs that everyone associates with Dolly:
1.  "Jolene" is her most popular track, with over 57 million streams on Spotify.  Covered by lots of people, including the White Stripes.  This one crosses over into popular music and not just country.

LOOK AT THAT FREAKING PANTSUIT THING!  You damn right.

2.  "I Will Always Love You" is her fourth most popular track on Spotify (14.8 million streams), but if you could the Whitney Houston streams (93.2 million) it would rule all.

That hair is almost better than the power pantsuit.  You could easily hide 3 hot dogs, a small jar of mustard, and 2 capri suns in that wave of bangs, if you just had a few strong bobby pins and 10 minutes.

3.  "9 to 5."  The fact that this song uses typewriter clicks as a sample/beat device is pretty amazing.

How awesome is it that this movie was made?  They attempt to murder their boss, then kidnap him and torture him, then in the end the boss gets sent to Brazil to be captures by aborigines and one of the perps takes his job.  How freaking weird is that?

What should the ladies expect to hear on Tuesday night?  Well, since she has played the exact same concert for three nights in a row (New Orleans, Corpus Christi (CC got one less song), Dallas), I expect we know the answer.
 

Train, Train

Why'd You Come in Here Lookin' Like That
Jolene
Pure & Simple
Precious Memories
My Tennessee Mountain Home
Coat of Many Colors
Smokey Mountain Memories
Applejack
Rocky Top/Yakety Sax
Banks of the Ohio
American Pie / If I Had a Hammer / Blowin' in the Wind / Dust in the Wind / The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
The Seeker
I'll Fly Away
Baby I'm Burnin' / Great Balls of Fire / Girl on Fire
Outside Your Door
The Grass Is Blue
Those Memories of You
Do I Ever Cross Your Mind
Little Sparrow / If I Had Wings
Two Doors Down
Here You Come Again
Islands in the Stream
9 to 5
I Will Always Love You
In the Meantime (Monologue)
Hello God / He's Alive

I was kind of figuring that you might get some "Hard Candy Christmas" with it being Christmas time and all, and that song is pretty solid, but no such luck.  But you get the good stuff there with "Jolene," "9 to 5," "I Will Always Love You," "Two Doors Down," "Islands in the Stream," and some classics like "I'll Fly Away" or "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down."  Should be pretty fun.