ACL 2023: Survival Tips

I've done this for a few years running, and people have told me it was useful, so here you go again.  There are some new rules about what you can bring in to the Park.  So even if you don't want to read this post, go check out the rules for what you can bring into the Fest.  It is definitely different. And you'd hate to get all the way to the front of the entry line and then have to throw away your stuff or go back to the car. 

This post is all about how to survive the weekend.  You may be an old hand, and know exactly how to manage your ACL like a boss.  But I know it helped me to get tips from those who had been before, so here are mine.

First things first, let it go.  WE GET TO SEE LIVE MUSIC AGAIN!  THIS IS AWESOME!  So, just relax, man.  You likely aren't going to get to see ALL the bands you want to see.  You probably won't get as close as you thought.  You are going to have to wait in line.  Someone is going to step on your toes.  That dude next to you will smell.  The port-o-potties will be foul.  You will get smoke in your eyes.  Someone with a moronic Big Head of Michael Jordan crying with some witticism on it is going to block the stage during your favorite song.  There are going to be tens of thousands of people in your way for the next three days.  Don't panic.  The point of this whole thing is to have some fun.  Breathe.  Have some fun. 

Like the Foos!  Once you have that in mind, what to do next?  Here are a couple of pointers from me, with new observations first, for what they're worth:

• Vaccine/COVID Test.  NO longer required.  Hooray!  
• Backpacks/ bags.  New rules - You are not allowed to bring a real backpack or bag into the festival anymore.  It can ONLY be: (1) clutch/fanny pack (5.5 inches or smaller, and only one pocket); (2) clear plastic, but small (no larger than 12 x 12 x 6); or (3) an empty Camelback bag, but no more than two pockets in addition to the one holding the water sac.  You'll be pissed if you forget and have to go back to the car or throw away your sweet backpack.
• So, pretty much, don't bring a bag!
• Bag Free Line.  I had always evangelized for the bag free line - just leave the bag at home and roll past the lines, but it might not be as big a deal now that bags are going to be more restricted.  If they have the bag free line, use it and get in quicker.  No lines = more music action.  Also, the ACL people say that peak hours for entry are 3-5 pm, so probably avoid those times if you're in a rush...
• NO LIQUIDS THROUGH SECURITY.  This is another change from previous years.  You used to be able to bring in sealed bottles of water, but now you cannot bring any sort of liquid into the park.  Which kind of sucks.  
• Kids.   They reduced the age for the freebie entry for kids - kids eight and under get in for free.  That used to be ten, and I feel like it even used to be 12 before that.  Which is too bad.  No way any of my kids can pass for eight anymore!  To the extent you are looking for any parenting advice from me, which is likely not the case, I find it a good idea to have a talk with the kids beforehand to explain that shit is going to be wild in the park.  There are going to be ladies wearing questionable clothing (or just painted boobs in one case).  GLORILLA is going to yell all of the bad words.  People will be drinking and smoking and lord knows what else.  Personally, I think preparing them for the storm is a good plan to increase your fun.  Also, I think it is a good idea to explain to them that they aren't going to know any of the bands, so they need to open their minds and experience some new stuff.
• Cell Phone Service. AT&T service is still terrible.  An illustrative anecdote - the Texas v Kansas State game was playing as the crowds were massing up in between the Ice Cube show and the Chili Peppers show.  I am trying to get google to just tell me the score, and my phone won't send a text, won't access the web, won't pull up the ESPN app, nothing.  Meanwhile, a dude next to me is literally streaming the video of the Texas game, holding his phone up for the crowd to see.  I asked him who he used, he said Verizon, which caused the girl next to me to pipe up that she too was on Verizon and was sending text messages regularly.  I'm not going to switch from AT&T, because it works so well in my house and office, but just note that if you have AT&T, you are likely going to have no service at peak times in the park.
• You might also just consider switching to Airplane Mode after about 4pm - you aren't going to get texts anyway, so you can save the battery for the Lyft order later in the night.
• Be Friendly.  Tens of thousands of people are in the Park with you.  I think you can definitely have more fun if you are nice to those around you.  Smile and say hi to the people around you. You may meet someone cool, have a fun talk, score a tip about a new food choice or band, whatever. If you bump into someone, apologize and smile.  If you are standing up to watch a show and someone short is standing behind you, offer to let them get in front of you - you can see over them and they aren't just looking at your big dumb head.  My friend Jason is the king of that one.  Pick up your trash. Don't cut in line.  Don't muscle your way up to the front of a show because you were late. Help people look for something they dropped.  Be cool if someone just NEEDS to squeeze up three feet closer to see the sweat on Noah Kahan's brow.  Just be nice.  Sooner or later, you might need someone else to be nice to you.
• Sunscreen.  Dude, just put some on before you go, and take at least a little with you.  You are going to freaking fry, as there is no shade by any of the stages.  Maybe you can cozy up to one of the fences and snag 10 minutes of shade between shows, but just know you will be in pure sun all day, unless you go watch football all day like a weirdo.  And don't bring spray sunscreen, they'll take it away at the gates.
• Chairs.  In my opinion, don't waste your time.  If you need to sit, you have an ass for that.  Otherwise, you are having to schlep those damn things all over the place, and can't sit close to stages (they have chair-free zones close to the stages), and its just a whole thing.  Unless you plan to camp out all day in a special spot with your buddies and your flag, just leave them at home.  
• Bathrooms.  My apologies to the ladies who need to sit in those foul port-o-potties, but for the dudes, they have added in a trough system that lets you unload the #1 in a quick and easy open air spot, which makes for few (if any) lines.  Good stuff.
• Booze.  Loyal readers, I know that you think I am super cool and never uncool, but when I used to sneak in a traveler of whiskey, I was so nervous.  I'm honestly shocked that the people at the gates don't spot me from Barton Springs and just preemptively toss me into the creek.  I must have checked my pockets for their bulginess about 3,000 times in between parking and the gate.  Meanwhile, I've also seen people with gallon ziplocs full of booze, fake-cell-phone flasks, and camelbacks that they somehow got in still full.  For a couple of years, I was able to take a re-sealed Aquafina bottle of vodka into the park with me, but with the stepped-up security, I got busted a few times and had to toss the vodka in the trash.  So, I'm just going to let it go and pay.  So lame.  Without the ability to bring liquids in, or backpacks with confusingly large numbers of pockets, not sure how people will get their booze in now.  
• Booze II.  Also, take it easy on the booze (or drugs).  Even if you are taking an Uber home and have no worries about driving at the end of the night, you will be dehydrated and tired and dumping a ton of alcohol into your system could end badly. Don't be the guy passed out and getting stepped over all day.  Don't make the people around you suffer through your drunken freakout while they are trying to enjoy their music.  Don't add barf to a crowd.  And for that matter, why get so drunk you forget the show?  You paid to go watch music - you could get hammered at the house for free. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some beverages throughout the day, but everyone else there will appreciate a touch of restraint before you get to blackout stage or street-fighting-man stage.
• Drugs.  I know this is going to come off as some OK Boomer stuff, but don't just take someone else's drugs.  There are too many stories going around right now about kids taking a pill that they think is one thing, but ends up being something much worse.  Just please make sure you know what you are doing.  I love you.
• Water.  You are NOT ALLOWED to bring water in anymore.  You can still bring empty camelback/Nalgene/YETI to fill at the water stations.  You need water, man.  Yes, even you 20 year olds.  You are going to be in Texas heat all day long.  We might have a slightly cooler time this year (please?!?!), but you'll still be active all day wandering around and standing.  You will sweat it all out and need more.  Don't be dumb.  And buying the LIQUID DEATH cans of water for $4 is a little silly when the Fest will refill a container for free.
• Smoking.  The website says that smoking is not allowed at Austin City parks.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  This may be technically true, but know that everyone there is going to have a backpack of weed and American Spirits and they are going to smoke everywhere.  You will see three-year-old children rolling joints in the Kiddie Limits area.  You will smell cannabis smoke at the gospel show on Sunday morning.  Cops will see all of this and not care.  There will be a pack of 12 year olds passing around a 7 foot tall bong shaped like Yao Ming and passing out, and a cop will walk through their smoke cloud to ask you where you got your taco.  That being said, their website now says that all vaping and e-cig devices are banned.  I don't know if they will enforce this, but know that the website says it is prohibited.
• Gear.  You may need a stack of gear, but I am the type to just want to be free of encumbrances.  If you bring a bag, they are going to search you at the door and then that hot, heavy thing is going to be on your back all day long.  Just bring good shoes for standing all day (flip flops are a terrible idea - someone will stomp your toes immediately), a cool shirt that is going to breathe as you sweat through it for ten hours, your phone (with an extra battery if you have it), and a hat.  Otherwise, leave everything at home and life will be simpler.  Oh, and selfie sticks are banned, so leave that trash at home too.  Also, no coolers, no hammocks, no umbrellas, no drugs, no drones, no spiked jewelry, and no bikes.  
• Earplugs?  I have yet to give in to the intelligent maneuver of protecting my hearing, and for the most part, even when I have been up close, the music has not been too terribly loud.  However, if you get stuck right in front of any of the speaker walls, you are going to wish you had something to shove in your ears, because that can be killer. Just food for thought here.  Also, the ACL website says that the information booth will give you some if you forget.
• ACL Cashless.  Do it.  They rolled this out a few years ago, it allows you to link a credit card to your wristband.  It is awesome.  Originally, I preached caution, and I still would, as you can rack up a million charges and not really be paying attention to your spending, but it is GREAT to not have to pay with cash.  Also, unless they streamline some since last year, know that it isn't terribly easy to do the scan and pay move.  After you scan your wristband, you still have to interact with a jenky iPad clone to navigate a tip/don't tip landmine screen, usually with your server standing there smiling at you over some huge cleavage and 850 people in line behind you.  High stress moment.  I was never entirely sure what I did at any given time - the screens seem to reflect all natural light directly into your pupils for maximum confusion factor.  Also, make sure you remember your PIN!
• Rendezvous point.  I have had a hell of a time getting text messages out once the late afternoon and evening roll around and the park fills up.  Also, your phone battery will likely be super taxed as it tries to hunt down a signal and/or re-send the 12 messages you sent your buddy about grabbing one more beer on his way back from the can.  So, plan ahead and just expect that your phone may die and you might need to meet back up with your friend or kid or ride at a certain predetermined spot in the park.  Be careful using the flags that people raise to mark their spots, as those move and they are also sometimes duplicated.  I had a super annoying conversation with someone via text one time where both of us were "just to the right!" of a pink flamingo. Too bad there were two pink flamingos on sticks at that show.  it is easy to get separated, so have a predetermined spot to meet.
• Getting Close.  I know that you may not care or you may want to be comfortable, but from experience, you are going to have a significantly more fun time if you are in the middle of people jamming the tunes rather than way in the back with the people who are dicking around on phones or talking instead of paying attention. Standing off to the back left of Chance the Rapper, very boring, but the huge crowd in the center of the stage were pumping their hands and jumping and appeared to be having a great time to the same music that was boring me.  I'm not saying you need to wait all day like the weirdos who camped out for the Weeknd a few years ago, but just know that there is real energy in a lot of those shows that you miss when you are a mile away.  Try it out sometime!
• Thievery.  I have heard a lot of anecdotal stories about folks having stuff stolen at the Fest - especially girls having their cell phones pinched out of their back pockets while they are watching a show.  WHICH SUCKS.  Asshat thieves.  So, since fanny packs are allowed in this year, maybe a little fanny pack is a good idea to store the cell phone?  Either way, just be aware!

Looking forward to it!  If you spot me wandering around, holler at me!  Hope these are helpful and that you have fun!