When these were announced the other day, I noted that I wasn't well informed enough to go beyond the two artists that I knew among the Best New Artist nominees. Here is what I said the other day:
"Best New Artist:
- Courtney Barnett
- James Bay
- Sam Hunt
- Tori Kelly
- Meghan Trainor
Well, being that I know two of those artists, and wish Meghan Trainor would disappear, then I'll have to go with Barnett. And she kicks ass, so hopefully she wins. I'll put the others into my Q."
Well, I've now had them in my queue for a few weeks and thought I'd talk about them some.
First things first, how do they even define a "new" artist? This is important here because Meghan Trainor, for one, has been around for a long time but somehow is being considered now to win a "new" artist award. According to Wikipedia, Trainor's first album came out in December 2009 and then she released two more in 2011. Subsequently, "All About That Bass" was released in June 2014, sold like crazy, and was included on her September 2014 EP (called Title) and then later on her 2015 album, also confusingly called Title. Trainor (and "All About That Bass") was even nominated last year for Song and Record of the Year! So, I am a little confused about how an artist who has been releasing music for many years, and is obviously on the radar of the Awards, is up for being a "new" artist.
Enter the legalese definitions. First, for general eligibility, albums must be released between Oct. 1, 2014 and Sept. 30, 2015 to be eligible for this year's awards. As for the "new" artists, I'm having trouble finding the specific eligibility rules on the Grammy website, but they have answered a question similar to mine in the past with the following: "Our Best New Artist category probably has the most complicated set of rules of any of our categories. Essentially, a "new artist" is defined for the GRAMMY process as any performing artist or established performing group who releases, during the eligibility year, the recording that first establishes the public identity of that artist or established group as a performer. A GRAMMY nomination in a performance category in a prior year disqualifies an artist from competing in this category, unless the nomination came from a single or a guest spot on another artist's recording, and the artist hadn't yet released a full album."
So, under that rubric, Trainor should be disqualified. Trainor was previously nominated in a performance category (Record) and she had already released a full album. Hell, three of them. And she might have been born in CANADA to a Cuban immigrant! I want birth certificates!!!
Regardless of the potential for "New Artist" truthers to get their panties sufficiently wadded up over this (and from the looks of the Internet, this happened in the past on behalf of Lady Gaga), let's talk about the actual music going on here. I'm sticking with my new Moneyball-esque rating system which will show the deep advanced metrics and statistical relevance of each of these artists' most recent albums.
Well, I've now had them in my queue for a few weeks and thought I'd talk about them some.
First things first, how do they even define a "new" artist? This is important here because Meghan Trainor, for one, has been around for a long time but somehow is being considered now to win a "new" artist award. According to Wikipedia, Trainor's first album came out in December 2009 and then she released two more in 2011. Subsequently, "All About That Bass" was released in June 2014, sold like crazy, and was included on her September 2014 EP (called Title) and then later on her 2015 album, also confusingly called Title. Trainor (and "All About That Bass") was even nominated last year for Song and Record of the Year! So, I am a little confused about how an artist who has been releasing music for many years, and is obviously on the radar of the Awards, is up for being a "new" artist.
Enter the legalese definitions. First, for general eligibility, albums must be released between Oct. 1, 2014 and Sept. 30, 2015 to be eligible for this year's awards. As for the "new" artists, I'm having trouble finding the specific eligibility rules on the Grammy website, but they have answered a question similar to mine in the past with the following: "Our Best New Artist category probably has the most complicated set of rules of any of our categories. Essentially, a "new artist" is defined for the GRAMMY process as any performing artist or established performing group who releases, during the eligibility year, the recording that first establishes the public identity of that artist or established group as a performer. A GRAMMY nomination in a performance category in a prior year disqualifies an artist from competing in this category, unless the nomination came from a single or a guest spot on another artist's recording, and the artist hadn't yet released a full album."
So, under that rubric, Trainor should be disqualified. Trainor was previously nominated in a performance category (Record) and she had already released a full album. Hell, three of them. And she might have been born in CANADA to a Cuban immigrant! I want birth certificates!!!
Regardless of the potential for "New Artist" truthers to get their panties sufficiently wadded up over this (and from the looks of the Internet, this happened in the past on behalf of Lady Gaga), let's talk about the actual music going on here. I'm sticking with my new Moneyball-esque rating system which will show the deep advanced metrics and statistical relevance of each of these artists' most recent albums.
- SPoB. Long recognized as a deep look at the power hitters of music, this shows the Super Position on Billboard. Loads of proprietary metrics calculated here. Highest position, time on the charts, and length of time since release all factor in here. After extensive calculation and some fact checking by our friends at Price Waterhouse, it looks like Trainor takes this statistic. She is the only one to have made it to number 1 with her album, and she's been on the Hot 200 chart for 46 weeks. Hunt has been on for longer (57) but topped out at #3, which hurt his quadrangle fission rating. Kelly is the big loser here with only 2 weeks on the chart (and a major negative x20 score), and although Bay has kept on the chart for 36 weeks, he topped out at 15.
- OWGf. The all-important Old White Guy factor. Springsteen consistently bats one million on this metric. Looking back at the past few years for this award, you've got Bon Iver, Fun, Macklemore, and Sam Smith. 100% white dudes who make middle of the road, common-denominator stuff that your grand-dad might think is hip. This is going to hurt Trainor, Barnett, and especially Kelly - who may be *gasp* ethnic! James Bay and Sam Hunt are directly the kind of dudes that should follow in that lineage of the past few years. However, Trainor has been featured on NPR repeatedly and even had a Jimmy Fallon w/ The Roots performance, and Barnett has even more NPR love, got a Tiny Desk concert, and served as guest DJ for All Songs Considered. She is crushing this metric with a .929. Kelly comes in last at .125.
- WmGDtT. (pronounced WombGut, for when you are discussing this measurement at parties). A key consideration for the voters each year, this metric measures Would my Grandkids Dance to This? James Bay, with his smooth rock falsetto-fest, and Courtney Barnett, with her brainy lyricism, both lose major points here. Hunt is danceable in a way that country music shouldn't be, just because he took a wrong turn on the Nashville expressway and ended up in Synthtown, so his rating here is lower than it could be. This leaves Trainor and Kelly vying for the crown, and while Trainor brings strong game with her standup bass retro-game her eigenfunction is low, so Kelly takes the category.
- EBf. Expert Bloviating factor. This stat takes "expert" opinions and ratings into account. Rolling Stone gives Barnett 4.5 stars, Trainor 3, and Kelly 2.5, but doesn't review Bay or Hunt. The Guardian gives Barnett 5 stars, Bay 2 stars, Kelly 2, and Trainor 2. Metacritic doesn't even know that Sam Hunt or Tori Kelly exist, which is odd. As is obvious from the results above, Barnett has just plain crushed the critical love crown this year.
- PPRN. The most important of all New Artist Musicball statistics, the all important Personal Preference Right Now. This is measured with 100% subjectiveness, based on my thoughts after listening to this music for a few days. The following ranking is in opposite order of my enjoyment:
- Meghan Trainor. I just tried out this album a few times for this post, and its fine. It is negatively impacted by the fact that "All About That Bass," "Lips Are Movin," and "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" have been drilled into my consciousness for the past year and a half so that I now hate to hear them. I kind of liked "Walkashame," "Dear Future Husband," and "Bang Dem Sticks," so I wonder if I could have heard this right when it was released, maybe I would have enjoyed it more. As it is, I'll never purposefully listen to this again.
- James Bay. I'm not going to listen to this again after listening for his nomination for Best Rock Album. Here is what I thought back then: "The songwriting is good, the music is nice, his voice is pretty, but I just finished each listen bored and uninterested in trying it again. Unbelievable that the Grammy folks think that the Slipknot album should be in the same category as this blandly pretty music. If one of these is rock, then the other is definitely not."
- Sam Hunt. I reviewed Hunt's album a week or two ago. I just don't like this music. Interestingly, for trivia purposes, Hunt was a college football player who was good enough to get noticed by the Kansas City Chiefs, but after a couple months in training camp he ditched that plan and moved to Nashville. Once there, he apparently married a drum machine, at a chapel officiated by a Toby Kieth impersonator, and the happy couple had a little AutoTune machine together.
- Tori Kelly. Surprisingly, I actually liked this album. Pretty danceable pop R&B.
- Courtney Barnett. Without a doubt, this is my vote for this category. Loved it back when I first listened. Barnett has great lyrics, excellent melodies, just all-around good music. Her album made my top ten (prestigious honor, I know) for 2015.
Sam Hunt's moron bro-lyrics are such a great juxtaposition for Barnett's fantastic storytelling. On one hand, "So I'll be at your door in ten minutes, Whatever you got on baby stay in it, You ain't gotta leave the house to have a good time, I'mma bring the good time home to you." In the other corner, you've got: "We drive to a house in Preston, we see police arrestin', a man with his hand in a bag, how's that for first impressions?" Hunt's lyrics are a paint-by-numbers piece of blackened aluminum foil trash that will end up stuck on the bottom of a junkie's flip-flop when she walks through the world woven by Barnett to see if the cops left anything on that curb when they hauled the guy with the bag away.
But, of course, I wrote most of this yesterday while listening to these tunes one more time. And guess which song was still stuck in my head this morning? Freaking Sam Hunt. I can't deny his schtick is catchy, but other than appearing on a few Bama frat guy party playlists that will gather dust in a few more months, he isn't going to stick around the public consciousness much longer.
If I had any say, I'd definitely give it to Barnett, and I think she actually has a good chance based on the advanced metrics reviewed here. But I think the more realistic choice is the sales behemoth that is Trainor. What do you think?
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