Diggin' Into Hip Hop Suckage (Part 3)

Welcome to part three into my personal dive into the depths of what makes current hip hop lame.  I ought to give a short aside and mention that there are still some new hip hop artists and songs that I am enjoying - everything isn't terrible.  But when I find a new track that I am enjoying, a lot of that is a visceral pleasure from a cool beat, or a quick metaphor/turn of phrase, or maybe actually good lyrics.  It is really hard to find anything that puts all of that together into one package.

Before Kanye lost his way.

If you haven't read part one, go here.  And then part two, diving into the beats behind eight songs, is available here.  This time, we are going to get into it with the lyrics of those same eight songs.

Data Point Number Two: Lyrics
Why do you want to listen to hip hop in the first place?  A big part of that, for me, is the beat. I want to feel something fun and funky and interesting that will get me moving or bobbing my head.  But right behind that beat is the lyrics - especially these days when beats aren't sampled and get created by the same cats over and over.  What do I want in my lyrics?  I want metaphors/similes, double entendre, and realistic storytelling.  Something clever that sounds like it took a guy some time to figure out.  The Geto Boys talking about losing their minds and punching on the concrete.  The Beasties on a spree goin' 120 plowin' over mailboxes. Biggie tying up and robbing an NBA star after tagging his girl. Kanye turning a mayonnaise colored Benz into a Miracle Whip.  Wayne's real G's move silent like lasagna. Some are even goofy but they are funny anyway - LL's "Hollis to Hollywood" or Geto Boys' "Cereal Killer."  My point is that I think a track sound be crafted and intentional to be great - and never rhyme a word with itself.

This may not work as well as I want it to, but let's give it a shot and look at the first verse from each of those eight songs.  There are probably better lyrics in each song I could cherry pick from, but I'm trying to make this unbiased to the extent that is ever possible in a subjective exercise like music commentary.

1989:
"Me, Myself & I" (De La Soul)  "Mirror mirror on the wall, Tell me mirror, what is wrong? Can it be my De La Clothes, Or is it just my De La Soul? What I do ain't make-believe, People say I sit and try, But when it comes to being De La,  It's just me myself and I."

Not that strong.  Kind of nonsense, although I feel like the song was intended to be a little nonsensical.  And from reading about the song, part of the point of this was to address the "hippie" label that had been foisted upon the group and to just say you should be you.  The rhymes are a stretch except for "try" and "I."

"Fight the Power"  "1989 the number another summer (get down), Sound of the funky drummer, Music hitting your heart, cause I know you got soul, (Brothers and sisters, hey), Listen if you're missing y'all, Swinging while I'm singing, Giving whatcha getting, Knowing what I know, While the Black bands sweating, And the rhythm rhymes rolling, Got to give us what we want, Gotta give us what we need, Our freedom of speech is freedom or death, We got to fight the powers that be, Lemme hear you say, Fight the power"

While the real incendiary stuff is in verse three ("Elvis was a hero to most, But he never meant shit to me, Straight up racist, the sucker was, Simple and plain, Muthafuck him and John Wayne!"), this one is about as real as hip hop comes.  Railing against the powers that be, gathering up all the people together, equating freedom of speech with freedom or death, this is the real deal.  And the beauty of it is that people actually reacted positively to these words.  This was and is real.  About the closest we get today is a weak reference to Fergeson or holding up your hands.

1999:
"Hot Boyz"  "What's your name, cause I'm impressed, Can you treat me good, I won't settle for less, You a hot boy, a rock boy, A fun toy, tote a Glock boy, Where you live, is it by yourself, Can I move wit' you, do you need some help, I cook boy, I'll give you more, I'mma fly girl, and I like those [Hot Boyz]"

Uh, damn, Missy.  You just straight up begged to stay at this guy's house and you don't even know his name.  He has a gun, man.  You might want to get some more details before you offer to move in and cook for the guy.  Not much of a lyric.  Welcome to the 90's.

"Wobble Wobble"  "You already know what's happenin' when I step in this bitch, And I know you've heard of me, Cause I'm right there off of GT and Derbigny, You've been 'bout serving it, every since you heard my song, I got you bucked up, you want that camouflage love, huh, You got me fucked up, I just want to see you wobble, like your momma's won that lotto, Like your daddy full of that bottle, Like your brother when he caught them hollows, Like them G.T. bitches, them Saint T. bitches, my No Limit bitches, Them boss bitches who 'bout they riches, and it ain't no secret, They want that soldier dick that you only get from that soldier clique, That Whoa! bitch I told ya' dick, 'welling up, We drop it like it's hotter, from the dance floor to the Ramada, Giving up them peso's, I thinks nada, look"

First of all, nope.  Of all the 504 Boyz, you, Mac, are the one sorry bastard no one has heard of.  I even remember Silkk the Shocker, for crying out loud, man!  So all the bragging about knowing who you are, get serious.  I'll note that the bit in the middle, about three images of people wobbling, is pretty good.  The rest is that stream of consciousness garbage that I associate with most current rap. Hey guys, you know what rhymes with "bitches?"  "Bitches!"  I just figured this whole rhyming thing out, yo!  GROUNDBREAKING!  
ED. NOTE: Mac is currently in the slammer on a 30 year sentence for manslaughter.  Totally just kidding about your raps being lame.  Love 'em.  Can't wait for the come back.  I live in Canada with a bunch of special forces dudes.

2009:
"Best I Ever Had"  "Know you got a roommate, call me when there's no one there, Put the key under the mat and you know I be over there, (Yup) I be over there, shawty, I be over there, I be hitting all the spots that you ain't even know was there, And you don't even have to ask twice, You could have my heart or we could share it like the last slice, Always felt like you was so accustomed to the fast life, Have a nigga thinking that he met you in a past life, Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no make-up on, That's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong, You don't even trip when friends say, you ain't bringing Drake along, You know that I'm working, I'll be there soon as I make it home, And she a patient in my waiting room, Never pay attention to the rumors and what they assume, And until them girls prove it, I'm the one that never get confused with, cause"

Holy crap.  Old Drake had some really good lyrics!  I feel conflicted, because I want to keep hating on Drake, but that is some really nice imagery.  Dammit!  Its a little cheesy, but he does a good job in here of painting a picture.  Too bad the beat for this track is so boring...

"Run This Town"  "We are, yeah, I said it: we are, This is Roc Nation, pledge your allegiance, Get your fatigues on, all black everything, Black cards, black cars, All black everything, And our girls are blackbirds riding with they Dillingers, I get more in depth if you boys really real enough, This is la Familia, I'll explain later, But for now let me get back to this paper, I'm a couple bands down and I'm tryin' get back, I gave Doug a grip and lost a flip for five stacks, Yeah, I'm talking 5 comma, 6 zeroes, dot zero, here Doug, Back to running circles round niggas, Now we squared up, hold up"

Ah, thank you Jay-Z for making sure to pull out the worst lyrics of this entire exercise.  Brag brag brag, yawn yawn yawn.  This right here is my beef with the current lyrics.  Nothing interesting, just trying to create excitement for his personal brand.  

2016:
"Me Myself and I" (G-Eazy)  "And as far as I can see, I just need privacy, Plus a whole lot of tree, fuck all this modesty, I just need space to do me, Give the world what they're tryna see, A Stella Maxwell right beside of me, A Ferrari, I'm buyin' three, A closet of Saint Laurent, get what I want when I want, Cause this hunger is driving me, yeah, I just need to be alone, I just need to be at home, Understand what I'm speaking on, If time is money I need a loan, But regardless I'll always keep keepin' on, Fuck fake friends, We don't take L's, we just make M's, While y'all follow, we just make trends, I'm right back to work when that break ends"

Thanks to G-Eazy for making vapid, pointless lyrics for me!  I was getting worried after those Drake lyrics!  Like the Jay-Z action above, he's just spitting out labels and taking about how he makes the trends for others to follow.  So lame.  Look, I know that rap has a long history of rappers big-upping themselves and bragging, but this proves my point as well.  It used to just be one bar that was about how awesome Mike D or Dres were, and then they went on with something else interesting.  Now, the new school never leaves that self-flagellating zone and just keeps riding their own dick for an entire track.

"Summer Sixteen"  To do what you couldn't do, Tell Obama that my verses are just like the whips that he in, They bulletproof, Minus twenty we in Pitfield, That Kai's kitchen in a Canada Goose, Famous as fuck but I’m still in the cut when they round up the troops, I’m just a sicko a real sicko when you get to know me nigga, I let the diss record drop, you was staying right below me, nigga, We must have played it a hundred times, you was going to bed, Why would I put on a vest? I expect you to aim for the head, I coulda killed you the first time, You don’t have to try to say it louder nigga, Trust, we heard you the first time, It’s nothing personal I would have done it to anyone, And I blame where I came from, And I blame all my day ones, You know Chubbs like Draymond, You better off not saying nothing, Them boys they a handful, Then I hit ‘em with the Hotline, Chris Breezy with the dance moves, Mo-G with the dance moves, Ave Boy with the dance moves, Jimi Hendrix with the solo, Those the strings that you can’t pull, Yeah, and I could really dish it out, Come and get it from the source, Fuck with all the word of mouth, Golden State running practice at my house, Nigga, what am I about?, You gon’ really feel it now, I’m out here…

Mediocre.  This song is apparently yet another diss track for Meek Mill.  Which is one of the strangest beefs around right now - Meek Mill is garbage.  Has he ever made anything worth listening to?  I can't stand his vocal tone - its just short of yelling at all times and sounds like crap.  And yet Drake, in the top two or three for famous rappers right now, is still making tracks about Meek should keep his mouth shut and back down?  Some OK stuff in here, but loads of better diss tracks out there, and this one just has some loose junk lyrics lying around for no reason.  Prime example: "Golden State running practice at my house," is just dumb. Is Drake trying to get hits from google searches or something?  I know the Warriors are good at basketball and all, but that line makes zero sense in the context of the rest of the verse.  If he'd followed it up with something about shooting treys or got Curry on yo face or making bullets go Kerr-plunk in yo face, but nope. Just pointless.


Final verdict: Unfortunately, that Drake track throws off my thesis of all bad lyrics in the modern age.  "Fight the Power" is probably the strongest lyric, with "Best I Ever Had" up there right behind it.  I'd probably order the rest as De la Soul, "Summer Sixteen," 504 Boyz, G-Eazy, "Run this Town," and then "Hot Boyz."  So if you rank those in order, giving points for their order (with 1 being the worst), you get the following ranking:

• 1989: 14 points
• 2009: 9 points
• 2016: 8 points
• 1999: 5 points 

Another win for 1989.  Speak up if you think that I'm organizing this in the wrong direction, but so far this seems obvious to me.  We'll look at longevity and impact next.