Lil Uzi Vert

One Liner:  Random lyric generator rap garbage

Wikipedia Genre: Hip hop. trap, emo rap, punk rap, lo-fi rap (blurg)
Home: Philadelphia, PA

Poster Position: 4

Both Weekends.

Thoughts: This is the worst of the current crop of bad rap.  Actually, maybe it is like 8th worst, not the actual worst.  But it is definitely in the conversation of the unoriginal, boring, uninteresting, poorly written, repeatedly repeating, copycat garbage that mucks up the rap scene right now.

Real name is Symere Woods.  In high school, he was in a rap "group" with friends called Steaktown, but that broke up by the time he was 17.  He started going by Vert, saying that it "stood for vertical, like a vertical jump."  Which sounds like something an unoriginal lyricist would say - "I was touching her booty, like I'm talking about her butt."  He then changed his name to the current thing because someone told him that his rap style was "fast, like a machine gun."  I guess he added the Lil because he was too unoriginal to figure out his own rapper name that didn't lean on someone else?

Here's a weird bit of his Wikipedia page: 

Woods has been accused of being a Satanist, originally by battle rapper Daylyt who claimed that Woods worshiped Satan. Woods has been said to be inspired by Marilyn Manson's worship and support of Satan, who he called his biggest inspiration. In July 2018, Woods told a crowd of fans that they were "going to hell" with him.
In August 2017, Woods created controversy by adding satanic imagery to his social media accounts and saying phrases often associated with Satanism such as "666". Woods frequently promotes Satanism on his social media, which went far enough to warrant his Instagram access being taken from him by his record label.

I love the idea of some dork at Warner Brothers (or whatever the low rent version of Warner Brothers is that would sign this guy) having to take over Vert's Instagram page and keep it "kewl" and "edgy" but without the devil worship.

OK, let's get into the music.  I've been suffering through it all day, so your turn now!  He has a track with FREAKING OVER A BILLION STREAMS!!!  I bet you could add up all of the streams for some of the best rap songs of all time, and you wouldn't even reach a billion.  So ridiculous, this current moment in popular music.  Here is "XO TOUR Llif3"

Catchy chorus, plain beat, completely unintelligible lyrics during the verse.  Let's find those:

That is not your swag, I swear you fakin'
Now these niggas wanna take my cadence
Rain on 'em, thunderstorm, rain on 'em (Ooh, yeah)
Medicine, lil' nigga, take some (Yeh, yeh)
Fast car, NASCAR, race on 'em
In the club, ain't got no ones, then we would beg them
Clothes from overseas, got the racks and they all C-Notes
You is not a G though
Lookin' at you stackin' all your money, it all green though
I was countin' that and these all twenties, that's a G-roll

I mean, even when I read it, I'm not sure that it means anything at all.  People are trying to rip off his style, so he's going to rain (?) on them for it, and you should do some drugs, and then drive quickly on those copycats, and if you don't have any dollar bills in the club you should beg other people?  Your money is green?  Is that part a diss, or just an observation?  I mean, yes, it is all green, unless the person you are dissing is from like Canada or something?  On top of the lyrics not meaning anything, I can only really understand about every fifth word.  I get it being a catchy chorus where you get to sing about all of your friends being dead, but as a piece of good rap with interesting beat or lyrics, its a zero.  [edit - of course, I heard it on the radio in the wild the other day and was kind of grooving along before I realized that it was this song.  So, I guess I can see that it could be popular, but like, the most popular rap of the year or something?  Silly]  None of this is memorable at all, just him throwing words together and smearing them along before he can get back to his chorus.   A FREAKING BILLION STREAMS!!!

Just because now the thought is in my head: 

• Geto Boys - Mind Playin' Tricks on Me: 40.3 million
• Ice Cube - It Was a Good Day: 231.2 million
• N.W.A. - Fuck That Police: 123.8 million
• Notorious BIG - Juicy: 304.4 million
• Public Enemy - Fight the Power: 19.9 million

719.6 million streams.  You could add The Message (17.9 million), Rapper's Delight (13.4), Sucker MC's (3.1), Planet Rock (8.1), Paid in Full (13.8), and C.R.E.A.M. (133.3), which are listed as other top ten tracks by Rolling Stone, and you still wouldn't get to a BILLION.  FOH.

(also, just because I am shocked, Public Enemy's By the Time I Get to Arizona only has 1.1 million streams, which is a tragedy.  Also, I couldn't include Dr. Dre in that list because the dummy doesn't have his best album on Spotify).

Also can't really tell the difference between this dude and so many of the other quasi crooner rap guys over melodic trap beats.  The singing voice isn't bad, but then he yelps his way through the rapping, and on many tracks he drapes all of it in enough auto-tune to make it hard to even know what he sounds like.  Some of his stuff sounds like Lil Wayne - that nasal whine and yelpy quality to the lyrics, like the new single "New Patek."  Except lyrically he couldn't touch Wayne with a ladder that's forever.

A 2015 mix tape called Luv is Rage, a 2016 mix tape called Lil Uzi Vert Vs. The World, another 2016 tape called The Perfect LUV Tape, and then his one actual album, 2017's Luv is Rage 2 (which features that mega hit up above).  His currently most popular track is a 2019 single called "Sanguine Paradise," with 108 million streams so far.

From looking at his shoes when he walks in that alley, dude looks like he might be Kevin Hart-style 5 foot tall.  I also appreciate the Blade reference of the video - guilty pleasure movie for sure.
How about another check of the lyrics here on the first verse?

If she left with me, she the right ho

Man, she ridin' me like a BMX

Man, she said the D is for Dyno

I got two horns like a rhino

It's no way you could buy ho

But I bought a mansion with a slide door

Yes, I opened up the slide door

So you can hear her hit the high note

I mean, what?  I get that the first few lines are about picking up a lady friend who wants to bone (and he has no standards), and that a Dyno is a type of BMX bike, but what in the world does the rest of it mean?  Is the mansion with a slide door some sexual term for a special lady part with which to make the sexytime?  But he bought the mansion, right after saying he couldn't buy the lady, so is the mansion a sex toy, not the woman?  So when he has sex with his sex toy that has a sliding door, his lady friend will sing high notes?  Is this a Fleshlight thing?  I have no clue.  This is exhaustingly bad.

And also, I'm well aware that all eight million of those people who went and tore it up having a great time at Travis Scott's show last year are going to go in and go hard for this guy's set at ACL, but hopefully it will be opposite someone excellent and I won't have to deal with those people while watching the actual talented artist.