First things first, let it go. Just relax, man. You likely aren't going to get to see ALL the bands you want to see. You probably won't get as close as you thought. You are going to have to wait in line. Someone is going to step on your toes. You will be hot and sweaty. That dude next to you will smell. You will get smoke in your eyes. Someone with a moronic banner of a wide receiver's face with some witticism on it is going to get in your way during your favorite song. There are going to be tens of thousands of people in your way for the next three days. Don't panic. The point of this whole thing is to have some fun. Have some fun.
Once you have that in mind, what to do next? Here are a couple of pointers from me, for what they're worth:
- Be Friendly. Tens of thousands of people are in the Park with you. I think you can definitely have more fun if you are nice to those around you. Smile and say hi to the people around you. You may meet someone cool, have a fun talk, score a tip about a new food choice or band, whatever. If you bump into someone, apologize and smile. If you are standing up to watch a show and someone short is standing behind you, offer to let them get in front of you - you can see over them and they aren't just looking at your big dumb head. My friend Jason is the king of that one. Pick up your trash. Don't cut in line. Don't muscle your way up to the front of a show because you were late. Help people look for something they dropped. Be cool if someone just NEEDS to squeeze up three feet closer to see the sweat on Mumford's brow. Just be nice.
- Bag Free Line. Don't bring some gigantic backpack (see my note about "Gear" below) and then you'll be able to breeze into the Fest. On each set of lines, they'll have a set that allows you to get in quickly if you don't have a bag that needs to be searched. No lines = more music action.
- Sunscreen. Dude, just put some on before you go, and take at least a little with you. You are going to freaking fry, as there is no shade by any of the stages. Maybe you can cozy up to one of the fences and snag 10 minutes of shade between shows, but just know you will be in pure sun all day, unless you go play video games or watch football all day like a weirdo. And don't bring spray sunscreen, they'll take it away at the gates.
- Chairs. In my opinion, don't waste your time. If you need to sit, you have an ass for that. Otherwise, you are having to schlep those damn things all over the place, and can't sit close to stages (they have chair-free zones all around the stages), and its just a whole thing. Unless you plan to camp out all day in a special spot with your buddies and your flag, just leave them at home.
- Booze. Loyal readers, I know that you think I am super cool and never uncool, but when I sneak in a traveler of whiskey, I am so nervous. I'm honestly shocked that the people at the gates don't spot me from Barton Springs and just preemptively toss me into the creek. I must check my pockets for their bulginess about 3,000 times in between parking and the gate. And I've never been caught yet (knocking on wood). The thing is, you can buy a traveler of Jim Beam for six bucks at Spec's, which can be mixed with several expensive cokes for a significantly cheaper price than the equal amount of $8 warm tall-boys of beer. Hell, I saw a dude one year with a handle of whiskey he'd snuck in with a camp chair, so they aren't checking all that closely, but be cool if you are trying to be sneaky. I've also seen people with gallon ziplocs full of booze, fake-cell-phone flasks, and camelbacks that they somehow got in still full.
- Booze II. Also, take it easy on the booze. Even if you are taking an Uber [ed. note, Uber is dead, as is Lyft, so you'll have to ride in some jenky competitor's car or do the driving yourself] home and have no worries about driving at the end of the night, you will be dehydrated and tired and dumping a ton of alcohol into your system could end badly. Don't be the guy passed out and getting stepped over all day. Don't make the people around you suffer through your drunken freakout while they are trying to enjoy their music. Don't add barf to a crowd. And for that matter, why get so drunk you forget the show? You paid to go watch music - you could get hammered at the house for free. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy some beverages throughout the day, but everyone else there will appreciate a touch of restraint before you get to blackout stage.
- Water. You are allowed to bring two factory-sealed 1 liter water bottles (uh...) or an empty camelback/Nalgene to fill at the water stations. You need water, man. Yes, even you 20 year olds. You are going to be in Texas heat all day long. You will sweat it all out and need more. Don't be dumb.
- Smoking. The website says that smoking is not allowed at Austin City parks. This may be technically true, but know that everyone there is going to have a backpack of weed and American Spirits and they are going to smoke everywhere. You will see three-year-old children rolling joints in the Kiddie Limits area. You will smell cannabis smoke at the gospel show on Sunday morning. Cops will see all of this and not care. There will be a pack of nine 12 year olds in their cheerleading uniforms passing around an eight foot tall bong shaped like Yao Ming, and a cop will walk through their smoke cloud to ask you where you got your taco.
- Gear. You may need a stack of gear, but I am the type to just want to be free of encumbrances. If you bring a backpack, they are going to search you at the door and then that hot, heavy blanket is going to be on your back all day long. Just bring good shoes for standing all day, a cool shirt that is going to breathe as you sweat through it for ten hours, your phone (with an extra battery if you have it), and some water. Otherwise, leave it at home and life will be simpler. Oh, and selfie sticks are banned, so leave that trash at home too.
- Earplugs? I have yet to give in to the intelligent maneuver of protecting my hearing, and for the most part, even when I have been up close, the music has not been too terribly loud. However, if you get stuck right in front of any of the speaker walls, you are going to wish you had something to shove in your ears, because that can be killer. Just food for thought here.
- ACL Cashless. They rolled this out a few years ago, it allows you to link a credit card to your wristband. It is awesome. Last year, I preached caution, and I still would, as you can rack up a million charges and not really be paying attention to your spending, but it is GREAT to not have to pay with cash. Also, unless they streamline some since last year, know that it isn't terribly easy to do the scan and pay move. After you scan your wristband, you still have to interact with a jenky iPad clone to navigate a tip/don't tip landmine screen, usually with your server standing there smiling at you over some huge cleavage and 850 people in line behind you. High stress moment. I was never entirely sure what I did at any given time - the screens seem to reflect all natural light directly into your pupils for maximum confusion factor.
- Rendezvous point. I have had a hell of a time getting text messages out once the late afternoon and evening roll around and the park fills up. Also, your phone battery will likely be super taxed as it tries to hunt down a signal and/or re-send the 12 messages you sent your buddy about grabbing one more beer on his way back from the can. So, plan ahead and just expect that your phone may die and you might need to meet back up with your friend or kid or ride at a certain predetermined spot in the park. Be careful using the flags that people raise to mark their spots, as those sometimes move and they are also sometimes duplicated. I had a super annoying conversation with someone via text one time where both of us were "just to the right!" of a pink flamingo. Too bad there were two pink flamingos on sticks at that show. it is easy to get separated, so have a predetermined spot to meet.
- Sunday morning. Now this is just entirely personal preference, but ever since by buddy Chad and I fired up the 2008 ACL weekend, I have enjoyed the relaxed process of waking up late on Sunday morning, hitting up brunch/lunch somewhere showing football, and then getting out to the Fest a little later. By that third day, unless you are under 25, you are going to be freaking tired and sore. A little relaxation will do your body good to go out strong on the last day.
- Getting Close. I know that you may not care or you may want to be comfortable, but from experience, you are going to have a significantly more fun time if you are in the middle of people jamming the tunes rather than way in the back with the people who are dicking around on phones or talking instead of paying attention. Standing off to the back left of Chance the Rapper, very boring, but the huge crowd in the center of the stage were pumping their hands and jumping and appeared to be having a great time to the same music that was boring me. I'm not saying you need to wait all day like the weirdos last year who sat up front all day, reading their phones and napping, until The Weeknd played, but just know that there is real energy in a lot of those shows that you miss when you are a mile away.
The ACL website also has a few tips, if you are hungry for more tip action. I need to hunt down the beer list to see if I can write up the alcohol situation for the Fest. See you soon!
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