Quick Hits, Vol. 117 (Nine Inch Nails, Post Malone, Wyclef Jean, Migos)

Nine Inch Nails - Not the Actual Events.  My twitter feed blew up last year with people psyched about a new NIN release.  I'll admit that I angrily listened to Pretty Hate Machine with all of my pent up high school and college-level angst firing into my clenched fists, but this new stuff just doesn't do it for me.  I think the old NIN, as machine-like and aggressive as it seemed, was at least underscored by a beat and was something you could dance to. This feels more like noise for the sake of noise to me.  Not sure which one is the most popular in streams, but here is the one I found with a video on YouTube, called "Burning Bright (Field on Fire)."

All the angry emojis!  All of them!  Yeah, I don't want to hear this EP anymore.

Post Malone - Stoney.  A friend at work came in here the other day, closed my door, and told me I needed to cue up one of these songs and turn it up.  I generally played along while he blissed out on this R&B lite shite, but as soon as he left I turned it off and went back to my other tunes.  You may recall the hit from this guy (or maybe not) called "White Iverson," and this whole album stays pretty close to that formula of yawn-tastic singing over OK beats.

247 million views of that video.  I bet the Rolls rental place is going to be pissed when they see how they drove their car.  I can't tell how many streams on Spotify anymore, but holy hannah.  Like a bad copy of Drake and he gets a quarter of a billion listens just on YouTube. This is not my stuff, but if you are "swaggin" on this, then congrats to you.

Wyclef Jean - J'ouvert.  I loved the Fugees, and then liked Wyclef's first solo album quite a bit.  I even enjoyed some of the 2000 followup.  But this is generally terrible.  Like objectively bad.  The most popular track is the only one that I would have told you was maybe OK, just because it is a pretty good story.  The story of how he chose music and his friends either chose playing in the NBA or selling crack.  Because I bet he has a ton of friends who went to the NBA.  10.7 million streams.

But, pretty cool anyway, the thought of him playing Hendrix in his basement while his cousin is buying his first uzi.  BUT, this is a lone semi-bright spot on the whole album.  I'll not keep this stuff around.

Migos - Culture.  I was pretty torn about these guys.  From Twitter and the rest of the Internet, these guys are the greatest thing of all time.  Shae Serrano keeps tweeting about their new album, Rolling Stone gave it a glowing review ("thrilling victory lap" gaag), Pitchfork gave it an 8.1 and called it Best New Music, and Donald Glover, while winning his Golden Globe for Atlanta, thanked Migos and said that "Bad and Bougie" is the "best song ever."  But then I listen to the music, and I just can't get behind it at all.  Well, that isn't true, if I listen to "Bad and Bougie," I'll be singing "rain drop, drop top" in my brain for a day or two, but the music is so lyrically idiotic that I just can't figure out how all of these other people are treating them (apparently un-ironically) like the best thing since the Beatles.  It seriously just sounds like they freestyle all of this with no thought for how much sense it makes, and somehow the critical world equates that random spewing with fine art.
Let's look at the big hit:

"Raindrops, drop tops (drop top)
Smokin' on cookie in the hotbox (cookie)
Fuckin' on your bitch she a dot, dot, dot (dot)
Cookin' up dope in the crockpot, (pot)
We came from nothin' to somethin' nigga (hey)
I don't trust nobody, grip the trigger (nobody)
Call up the gang, they come and get you (gang)
Cry me a river, give you a tissue (hey)
My bitch is bad and boujee (bad)
Cookin' up dope with a Uzi (blaow)
My niggas is savage, ruthless (savage)
We got 30's and 100 rounds too (grrah)
My bitch is bad and boujee (bad)
Cookin' up dope with a Uzi (dope)
My niggas is savage, ruthless (hey)
We got 30's and 100 rounds too (glah)"

I mean, I guess I've seen worse, but really?  Anything original in this statement of smoking drugs, banging your girl, and making more drugs?  Clipse was doing this infinitely better more than a decade ago.

So I had been conflicted generally because I felt like I should love these guys to join in with the crowd who loves them so very much.  And then I read the recent article about them in Rolling Stone, and my mild dislike hardened.  These guys are trash.

First, they are homophobic pricks.  

"And so I'm surprised by Migos' reaction when I mention iLoveMakonnen, the local MC who just came out as gay on Twitter. "Damn, Makonnen!" Quavo bellows after an awkward interlude. I mention support I saw online for Makonnen's decision. "They supported him?" Quavo asks, raising an eyebrow. "That's because the world is fucked up," says Offset. "This world is not right," Takeoff says. "We ain't saying it's nothing wrong with the gays," says Quavo. But he suggests that Makonnen's sexuality undermines his credibility, given the fact that "he first came out talking about trapping and selling Molly, doing all that."  He frowns. "That's wack, bro."

Wow.  I read that the other morning, thinking to myself that this says a lot about these dudes, and that they'd likely offer some weak apology penned by their agent after the fact. In fact, yes!

"We always been about being original and staying true.  Staying true to yourself goes a long way.  We are all fan's of Makonnens music and we wish he didn't feel like he ever had to hide himself.  We feel the world is fucked up that people feel like they have to hide and we're asked to comment on someone's sexuality.  We have no problem with anyone's sexual preference.  We love all people, gay or straight and we apologize if we offended anyone."

There you go.  The old tried and true - if anyone was dumb enough to be offended by what we said then I guess I'm sorry that you got offended - bit.  On top of that, they are griping about even being asked about someone's sexuality.  Look, man, you can bitch about this being ambush journalism, but that immediate reaction to hearing about someone coming out in that quote above is pretty clear.  You really can't walk back the disdain and clear message.  Although, honestly, if that apology was penned by the agent, they should get a better agent.

Second, they maybe (likely!) subscribe to that age old rap cultural joy of beating women!

"Mounted above the mixing board is a flatscreen showing surveillance feeds from cameras around the property. In the bottom left corner, I see Quavo run out to the Spider and the woman chase him. Others join them at the car. Durel and Tray1 are watching the same feed with me, neither of them commenting. The picture is too small and grainy to say what exactly happens next, but I see the woman fall to the ground. O-Ron carries her, as she kicks furiously, away from Quavo. Soon a car arrives; she gets in and leaves. O-Ron returns and explains that the woman "fell down and busted her nose – her face is all bloody.""

Yikes!  Quite a tumble that woman mysteriously took with no action from any of the famous people being interviewed!  Thank goodness none of those gentlemen were involved at all!

Finally, they really do just make it all up on the fly without any attempt to prepare something better than their random thoughts!

"As Durel mans the board, firing up a beat he produced, Quavo enters the booth with a blunt. He spits gibberish first, hashing out rhythmic and melodic ideas: "Nigga, the ice on the boat," he mumbles. "Waste on, coo on." Bar by bar, he transforms this doggerel into intelligible ideas. "Prayer clean/Put on a pair of wings" becomes "Pull up McLaren and wings/Pull up and spread my wings." While Quavo proceeds through his verse, Takeoff listens intently, holding a seven-inch stack of rubber-banded cash to his head like it's an old cellphone and shouting lines into it, revving himself up."

Trash.  I don't even care if the music is somewhat catchy and could go into my Popcorn Rap playlist for driving around feeling tough, these guys are assholes and should disappear for 20 years, only to resurface on a TRAPFEST 2037! poster along with Future and Young Thug and some other bad rap from the past five years.