2017 Grammy Nominations: Big Three

I know I'm way behind on this, as these were announced back in December, but it just dawned on me that I might have some listening to do to figure out who the people are nominated for things.  If you want to look back at my ravings in the past about how dumb the categories are, then please by all means go here.

Also, before discussing this year, let's see how I did last year on predicting these things:

• Record of the Year (which means an individual song): I picked the Weeknd, and was wrong (Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars)
• Album of the Year (which means an entire album): I picked Kendrick Lamar, and was wrong (Taylor Swift)
• Song of the Year (which again means an individual song, but the songwriting, apparently): I picked Taylor Swift, and was wrong (Ed Sheeran)
• Best New Artist (which is still BS, because Trainor is not eligible): I went with Courtney Barnett, and was wrong (Megan Trainor)
• Best Rock Performance: I said I like them all but guessed the Foo Fighters, and was wrong (Alabama Shakes)
• Best Rock Album: I said I would have picked Highly Suspect, but expected that the Grammy voters would take boring Muse AND WAS RIGHT!!!
• Best Alternative Album: I said Tame Impala, and was wrong (Alabama Shakes).

Y'all see how good I am?  I mean, one of seven, I am obviously the world's foremost authority on music and you should hang on every word I say.  

On to this year, and the top three categories first, I'll do a more in depth discussion of some other categories if I'm feeling spriggy.

Album Of The Year:

• 25 — Adele
• Lemonade — Beyoncé
• Purpose — Justin Bieber
• Views — Drake
• A Sailor's Guide To Earth — Sturgill Simpson

Aw, man.  I mean, obviously I'm going to pick the album that I thought was the best one of the year, that excellent Sturgill Simpson disc.  Rare that you get touching lyrics about a son, great soul-flavored country rock tunes, PLUS a Nirvana cover.  As for who will win, I think its a face off between Adele and Beyonce.  Adele won armloads of Grammys in 2012, so you know the old white guys in charge over there love her.  But all of the year end lists loved Bey the most.  I kind of feel like they'll split this and RotY between the two of them to make everyone happy.  I'll say this one goes to Adele.

Record Of The Year:

• "Hello" — Adele
• "Formation" — Beyoncé
• "7 Years" — Lukas Graham
• "Work" — Rihanna Featuring Drake
• "Stressed Out" — Twenty One Pilots

Criminy.  I'd say that three of these songs make me sad about the state of musical discourse in modern times.  "7 Years" was kind of clever for a sec, but after the third listen or so I wanted to fight a seven year old.  "Work" is soooo annoying.  My prior review of it was as follows: "which sounds like her just saying the word "work" three hundred times before she forgets how to pronounce those letters and just starts smearing the words into werwerwerwerwerwer as Drake mumbles."  I will continue to stand by that review.  And everything that 21 Pilots does makes me hate everyone.  This is mainly because of self-hatred here, because my son loves 21 Pilots, and every time I see that he has listened to "Ride" again it brings my failings as a father into sharp relief and I feel like I need to break his spirit and make him listen to old Tribe Called Quest and Led Zeppelin albums on repeat for the next two years.  So, if I'm down to Adele and Beyonce again, I have to think that this is Beyonce's year and she takes this one.

Song Of The Year:

• "Formation" — Beyoncé
• "Hello" — Adele
• "I Took A Pill In Ibiza" — Mike Posner
• "Love Yourself" — Justin Bieber
• "7 Years" — Lukas Graham

Lord have mercy.  Did the Grammy people not know anything in music this year except for the top of the pop charts?  Is this Bieber song even the most popular one from this year of ubiquitous Bieber singles?  I don't know and don't care, please don't give this turd a Grammy. Huh, I just went and listened to the Posner song, and did you know that it is actually a super boring acoustic track that sounds like Little Big Town trying to sound like Bieber singing a song about Calvin Harris' life?  All I've ever heard is the "Seeb Remix" that they play on the radio all the time.  Apparently the same is true for all of humanity, because this crap version has 22 million streams and the remix has 758 million.  Wait, you know what this sounds like?  That shitty Kid Rock song he did a few years back where he tried to sound like an earnest country guy.  Only God Knows Why?  Or was it the one with Sheryl Crow? Don't know, don't care, this song is not good.  So, shocker, we're back to Adele and Queen Bey, and I'll guess that this one goes to Bey.

More coming...