Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Cuco [EDIT]

EDIT - I assume he will not be here for the second weekend, as according to this article he was in a car wreck in Tennessee yesterday and is cancelling the rest of his tour.

One Liner: Terrible Spanglish indie bedroom slow jams
Wikipedia Genre: No Wikipedia entry, so I'll stick with Spotify's playlists and say Anti Pop, Bedroom Pop, and Indie.
Home: L.A.

Poster Position: 15

Day: 12:45 on Friday
Both Weekends.

Thoughts: Oh yeah, there it is.  The first truly terrible music of the Fest.  Glad to get it out of the way early, hopefully everything else rules.  How to explain this?  Like bad homemade synth indie with a handful of songs in Spanish, or partially in Spanish?  Like the worst impulses of an artists indulged for a couple entire DIY mixtapes?  Actually, let's start by showing you the "Bio" available on Spotify:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THE PIZZA IS TOO HOT FOR MY MOUTH
LIFE ALERT WON'T HELP ME
AHHHHH
PLS TELL PAPA JOHNS TO STOP SEASONING MY PIZZA WITH SULFURIC ACID
MY TRASH CAN IS LITERALLY ON FIRE
FROM THROWING YOUR MOMS SOCKS IN THERE
STANLEY COME HERE
That is literally the bio available for you on Spotify.  Fuck that.  So annoying.  KIDS THESE DAYS!!!  I've never heard of any of the artists in the Related Artist list on Spotify either.  But when I look to the "discovered on" playlists, this guy is featured on such wonderful gems as "Anti Pop," "Bedroom Pop," and "New Indie Mix."  I hate everything that is happening right now.

His most popular track is also his most listened to on Spotify, so I'll let you try that one on for size first.  Here is "Lo Que Siento," which somehow has 11.9 million streams.
Obviously, I can't understand all of it - the Spanish parts just flow by me - but the music itself freaking sucks ass.  Maybe sometimes its a good idea to sign up a producer to help you make music?  And the English bits are so terrible.  Just the most derivative boring love song crap you can come up with.  "Baby don't cry when I am gone, promise you're everything I want, this is for you baby, listen its your song."  Jeeeeez.  This is almost as bad as that Austin Mahone shit I accidentally listened to.

Oh, and then read this article from Noisey where they can barely hide their naked greed for his DIY cock and balls.  Yes, they actually say to "Go Cuco Pebbles" for that last track...  That is apparently his fan club, the Cuco Pebbles.  And I hate everything...


One more song and then I have to stop listening to this.  He has two older mix tapes - 2016's Wannabewithu and 2017's Songs4u (truly cringeworthy titles, again, I hate everything) - but he has a 2018 EP called Chiquito, so I'll give you one of those to see if he has changed the sound.  Here is "CR-V," an ode to the shitty Honda SUV, which has just over a million streams.

Yeah, so there you go.  I assume he is trying to be funny, because it is legitimately funny - sounds like something the Lonely Island guys would have written but then discarded before they actually recorded it.  If you are super into homemade beats and offhand lyrics that sound like they were written in 3 minutes by a 13 year old, then get some of this shit in the Fall.

Nope.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

LOL, yet he somehow has performed at Coachella, the Fonda theatre, Tropicalia, Hollywood Forever, and various other places around the world. The kid went to Indonesia, France, England, Peru, Spain, and other countries. I think his music is pretty amazing and relatable. We can just agree to disagree.