Camila Cabello

One Liner: The Fifth Harmony escapee pop star with that "Havana" song.

Wikipedia Genre: Pop, R&B
Home:  Havana, Cuba.

Poster Position: 2
Day: Sunday at 6:30 (they just moved this time back, FYI)
Weekend One Only.

Thoughts: Oh yeah, I know that song.  When I saw this name up at the top of the poster, I was confused.  Who the hell is Camila Cabello?  Then I played her top song and now I remember, this is prime pop music.  Which brings to mind another question, which is what the hell is prime pop music doing at the top of the ACL poster?  I don't know why it should be any different for me to find this weird but not question any of the popular rappers being at the top of the lineup, but for some reason it feels especially weird to have pure Britney/Xtina-style pop at ACL.

So, in case you are like me and have no clue of the backstory here, a quick primer.  Cabello is a Cuban-American who was discovered as part of 2012 season of The X Factor (a singing competition TV show) when Simon Cowell decided to create a power girl group called Fifth Harmony.  After a few years, Cabello tried a few outside projects, such as that godawful Machine Gun Kelly song "Bad Things" and one with Shawn Mendes (also at ACL this year) before finally deciding to break free of the group and go out on her own.  Her first solo single was "Crying in the Club," which Wikipedia says only had modest performance, but with 266 million streams on Spotify, sure seems like it did well.

OK.  Super breathy sad-girl music.  Kind of a Demi Lovato singing a Lana Del Rey vibe.  Oh no, wait, but then the music changes up and gets a little more upbeat, and its actually about NOT crying in the club.  What a crazy switcheroo!  Ain't no cryin' in the club indeed!  Also, I have no clue about anything involving this type of pop music - my kids love it but I change the radio anytime this type of stuff comes on.  Not a very good song.

So then in 2018 she released her only album, the imaginatively titled Camila.  It immediately went to number one and was certified gold, mainly based on the strength of "Havana," the unstoppable single hit that I've heard too many times and never enjoyed.  874 million streams.  Wow.

OK.  Hold on.  Lets unpack that video.  The weird telenovella at the start?  The cross-dressing abuelita (who looks like maybe John Legend?) who wants to use her flip flop to beat people?  The grandma calls Cabello her Peachmuffin?  Is that a thing?  And then she grinds the bike messenger before John Legend bones the broom?  Anyway, I get it - after "Despacito," the world is looking for more Latin crossover stuff and this easily fits the bill.  Young Thug sucks, by the way.  But I guess it is a pretty catchy chorus, but mainly for the Havana nananana part, not for the actual lyrics.

She does a crappy song with Quavo from Migos.  She does a bad tune with Pharrell (very bad.  Go experience "Sangria Wine" if you really want to dip into the dregs of current pop music).  She has a track with someone called Kane Brown.  She did a track with Major Lazer and Travis Scott.  She's out there doing stuff with other popular folks.

I'm not going to try to say that she doesn't have a good voice.  Definitely true.  But after that, I just don't care.  None of these songs are that great, just another pop star that'll release more generic breathy power ballads and club-thumpers before she disappears into where ever Hilary Duff and Nelly Furtado are now.  Also, her high ass voice on "Never Be the Same," her third most listened to track makes dogs scream in pain and even tempered windows crack.

And just so you can suffer through the Machine Gun Kelly song, here you go:

No.  Really, no.