Austin Mahone [NOT ACTUALLY COMING TO ACL, I'M AN IDIOT]

One Liner: Boy band pop genericness
Wikipedia Genre: Pop, Dance Pop
Home: San Antonio

Poster Position: Not on the poster.
Day: __

Thoughts:  I'm laughing at myself.  I thought I'd be all smart and go ahead and write some posts of people who were included in the leaks the day before the lineup was announced, and I could have sworn this guy was included in the laundry leak.  NOPE!  But I already wrote this post, so you might as well suffer through this shitty music with me.  Enjoy!

Huh.  I've never heard any of these songs at all.  Figured for a pop star on the __ line, I'd at least have tangentially heard of a tune or two from my kids.  Wikipedia says that he originally gained fame through YouTube posts of him covering other people's songs.  I can guarantee that those were better than his most popular track on Spotify (which is actually not his song, he is just the guest star on it), this is "Hablame Bajito," by Abraham Mateo.

When I first listened to that on Spotify, I was unaware that this was not all Mahone, and I was actually a little impressed by him singing so well in Spanish and then rapping in a pretty passable Fiddy patois.  Now that I understand that he is just the bad English verse, I get it.

His style is the R&B half-rap/half-sing/song thing that is very popular right now, as well as all the generic platitudes he can come up with.  Did he say he is "feeling some type of way?"  Yes.  Did he say "Know what I'm sayin?"  Yes.  Did he say he is "keeping it on the low?"  Of course he did.  Did he say "you already know?"  You know it.  This is like even more generic Beiber than Beiber already Beibers.

His original single is more like OneDirection (I think?  I'm out of my depth in reviewing a boy band sound), but this reminds me of the "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" thing.  This is "Say Somethin," from 2012.

Interesting.  Only 9 million streams on Spotify, but over 70 million streams on YouTube.  Wow.  That song sucks a fat one.  Like, I'm totally shocked that this isn't one of the made from Disney TV stars who tried crossing over to music only to immediately disappear from the public consciousness.  And now I can freaking guarantee that damn thing is going to be in my head all day.  Damn you pop writer computers!

One more, his most listened to on Spotify (and which features Pitbull, so he has some help on those streams), this is "Mmm Yeah," with 72.3 million streams.  

Oh God.  Kill me now.  He just threw open his jacket to let the wind blow it back.  Is this Mahone in 2014 or Joey Fatone in 2002?  Can't finish this.  My deep and fervent hope is that this guy is up against someone old and awesome and we can split the crowd.  

I will not go watch this.  I don't care if it is the Q Brothers as the only other option, I will not go watch this.