Tory Lanez [updated]

One Liner: Sing-song, brain-dead rap

Poster Position: 8

Thoughts:  Really?  This is the best ACL could do on the rap scene?  I mean, I'm getting some good stuff in Kendrick, LL, and Schoolboy, but this is some weak sauce stuff right here.  Kind of Drake-ish, in that he half-sings/half-raps, and some of these tracks have good beats, but the top few tracks on Spotify are all lame singing rap things with zero lyricism. For example, his most popular track (by a massive landslide) is "Say It," with 62.2 million streams.

Pretty liberal sampling of Brownstone's "Say It" from 20-something years ago, and he just Auto-tune sings boring platitudes over the top.  Seriously, I just read the lyrics, and I am absolutely dumber for having gone through that exercise.  Tuurrrrible.  I'm just going to give you the hook and first verse:  "And you know, you know, And you know, in this foreign car let it go, And you know, you know, And you know, in this foreign car let you know, But I'm not sure that you want me, But I now know, You know I know that this ain't right, Cause you want me cause I got dough, Ever since you walked in inside my foreign, slam my door, You know I know that you been on it, But I been on it, on the low."  Holy hannah that sucks.  If this was an improv freestyle, I would expect that a professional rapper would come up with better lyrics than that.  (although maybe 8 Mile has spoiled me for what is possible in a freestyle rap battle).

He has no full-length albums, just a bunch of singles available on Spotify.  His second-most listened-to track is called LA Confidential, but it is also jenky.  With that in mind, I give you the #3 placing track (10 million streams), because it sounds way cooler, called "B.L.O.W."

At least the beat is pretty cool sounding?  Lyrically, not cool.  Here is the hook of the song, just so that you can revel in the intricacies of the wordplay: "I don't be stressin' these hoes, I just pour liquor for n***as that's it, I don't fuck wit you though, You shitted on me, I can't wait to blow on you, I can't wait to blow on you, I can't wait to blow, I can't wait to blow on you, I can't wait to blow on you, I can't wait to blow"  Finis.  When the aliens land on Earth someday, I hope we play that for them and they are so confused that their heads explode like a gremlin in a microwave.

Maybe "Diego" was the hit I wanted to play?  Er, no, probably not.  I'll give you one guess of the movie character name he repeatedly recites in that song?  If you guessed Tony Montana, then you win a lollipop.  I've got nothing here.  There is no reason to listen to this music or go see his live show.

[updated 6/10/16] Spotify added a new single by this dude ("LUV") sometime recently, and so I figured I needed to check it out and see if he had made a change for the better that would change my opinion here.  Nope, more bad autotune singy junk.