PARIS

One Liner: Soundcloud rapper/singer who needs a new name

Wikipedia Genre: No Wikipedia, going with Soundcloud rap and R&B
Home: L.A.

Poster Position: 15-ish
Day: Saturday at Noon.
First Weekend Only.

Thoughts: Oh man, I'm so freaking annoyed right now.  Paris?  Does nobody remember Paris?  The real rapper named Paris?  That guy was badass.  I owned both The Devil Made Me Do It and Sleeping With the Enemy (the classic with "Make Way For a Panther," "The Days of Old," and the slightly terrifying "Bush Killa.")  In fact, if you look up Paris on Wikipedia, you don't see anything about a shitty new soundcloud rapper, you get an article all about the real Paris rap artist.  This is some bullshit.  This guy needs to add two v's into the middle of his name like Alvvays or Wavves or Wovvdy.  Damn everything to hell.  I'm gonna write this asshole a cease and desist letter on behalf of the real Paris.

<steps down off of high horse and soap box, which have been stacked precariously>

<sees that this dude is scheduled to play at noon on First Weekend only, realizes that no one is going to see him play, grins to myself that the Universe rights itself without my help>

OK.  So this guy is not the classic, provocative rapper from Oakland.  Instead, this is a young dude who was apparently named after the 1993 Cure album Paris (real name Paris Vasquez) who sounds enough like Post Malone for me to assume that it might just be the same guy.  Who the hell names their kid after a Cure album?  Was that an option?  Could I have named my kids Death Certificate, Ritual de lo Habitual, and Blood Sugar Sex Magic?  I've ruined everything with my boring names.

One album, 2018's ONE NIGHT IN PARIS, with eight songs (several of which don't even top 2 minutes) of sing-song-semi-rap over trap beats.  The top track is "GONE," which features Trippy Redd (so you know its gonna be great!).  6.5 million streams.

Let's watch an interview with a true future Rhodes Scholar.  My guess, from watching this interview, is that homeboy doesn't even know that the older Paris even existed.

The way that his nose ring is tilted really gets under my skin.  Straighten that shit.  True confession, I could only listen to 3 minutes of that interview before I had to stop.  One more tune - this one isn't his most popular, but it has an actual music video.  "NIGHT."  469k streams.

I'll give him credit for being catchy.  The trap beats are pretty cool, and the the poorly sung hooks are sticky.  But this is everything wrong with the rap world today.  Luckily for me, and for you, I will most likely not be to the park by freaking noon on Saturday, and I'm not going for weekend one, so no worries about having to see this dude.